This movie is the reason that most executives in Hollywood should be fired. When the idea to make "Crank: High Voltage" was brought to their attention they should have bounced the writer from the room. Instead they made one of the WORST films in History. This is the type of movie that the razzies was intended for.
The film opens with a sequence designed to look like a classic video game, depicting Chev Chelios' (Jason Statham) fall from a helicopter during the final moments of the original Crank. Immediately after his fall has ended, he hits a vehicle and bounces into the street. A car drives up and several Asian gang member get out. One tries to scoop him off the street with a snow shovel. They lift him up and remove him from the scene. He wakes up in a makeshift hospital and sees doctors removing his heart, while Johnny Vang (Art Hsu) watches. He laughs at the situation in front of him, and as viewers we should all have walked out at this point . The doctors place Chev's heart in a red cooler with a padlock, and place a clear plastic artificial heart in his chest. This causes Chev to pass out. Chev comes to some time later when an Asian woman is trying to take his temperature rectally. Two doctors come in and talk about their plans to remove several of Chev's organs, including his penis. This so infuriates Chev that he beats up the doctors while staying in the hospital bed the whole time, and when he sits up, he notices a yellow battery pack is attached to him, which he leaves on, Chev stands up and walks down the hall.
The other rooms contain prostitutes, and he is able to steal a set of clothes from one of the rooms without the occupants noticing. Outside, he gets in a major gunfight and is able to get the drop on one of the shooters. Chev interrogates this thug with grease and a shotgun, the more dirty minded you are the easier it will be to believe the method Chev uses. Chev needs to learn Johnny Vang's name and his location, he finds out that Vang went to the Cypress Social Club, and then Chev sets off to look for him. Once on the road, Chev finds a phone in his pocket, and calls Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakam), who tells him that he has been fitted with an artificial heart. Once the external battery pack runs out, the internal battery will kick in and he will have one hour before it stops working. After the call, Chev asks a nearby driver where to find the Cypress Social Club, but crashes his car in the middle of the conversation, flying through the windshield and sliding on the ground destroys his external battery pack. In order to keep going, Chev has the driver use his jumper cables on him, and then runs to the Cypress Social Club. Upon arriving, Chev inadvertently saves a prostitute named Ria (Bai Ling) from an abusive, overly fat customer. Ria beats the customer as he lays prone on the stairs, Ria is immediately infatuated with Chev, claiming he is the Kevin Costner to her Whitney Houston.
Vang escapes still carrying the red, padlocked cooler and Chev wants nothing to do with Ria, but she claims to know where Vang is. She takes Chev to "Strip Please", where Chev is shocked to find his old girlfriend Eve Lydon (Amy Smart). In a back room, Vang has been cornered by a group of Mexican gangsters, led by Chico (Joseph Julian Soria), who shows he means business by chopping off a man's elbow. Vang agrees to let them have Chev. He isn't in any condition to fight the Mexicans. Seconds later Chev is confronted by the Mexicans, and a gunfight breaks out. Everyone gets gunned down by Chev, and a female stripper, everyone that is except Chico, who escapes out a back door. Chev interrogates a wounded gangster, who informs him that it is El Huron (Clifton Collins, Jr.) who wants to kill him, but doesn't know why. Chev picks up Eve and they walk out. Outside, he is met by a group of cops, who begin beating on him. He is by now so weakened, but of course one of them inadvertently charges Chev up by using a taser on him. Chev gets up beats all the cops up and steals a cop car, putting Eve in the back with another stripper, who tells Chev that he should look at the Hollywood Park racetrack for Johnny Vang.
They encounter a group of porn stars protesting low wages, and Chev is forced to run away when another squad car pulls up next to them, leaving Eve in the back of the cop car. In a nearby park, Chev steals an electric dog collar from a gay couple and uses it to zap himself. Chev is about to be picked up by cops when he is picked up by a guy on a motorcycle. Venus (Efren Ramirez), who reveals himself to be Kaylo's brother. He also has Full Body Tourette's Syndrome. At first, Chev tells Venus that everyone responsible for his brother's death is dead, but this prompts Venus to leave. Wanting his help, Chev tells Venus that El Huron was involved but escaped. At the horse tracks, Chev is losing energy. He calls Doc Miles and learns that the heart can be charged through the skin by means of friction. He rubs up on a couple of racetrack patrons (including Chester Benington) but finally Eve shows up and she really helps stimulate Chev. They have sex on the racetrack while the crowd cheers, and Chev is restored to full energy. Chev spots Vang and once again leaves Eve behind and chases Vang through the parking garage. Vang escapes, however, and Chev is about to be subdued by security when Don Kim, the Chinese gangster who saved Chev's life in the first film, picks Chev up in his limo. Don Kim informs Chev that there is a leader in the Triads named Poon Dong (David Carradine), who was in need of a heart transplant. When he heard of Chev's ability to withstand the Chinese adrenaline poison, he put out an order for Chev's heart. Don Kim then tells Chev that he wishes to return him to Poon Dong for a reward. Upon hearing this, Chev kills all of Don Kim's henchmen, including the limo driver, and shoots Don Kim several times. The limo then crashes, and Chev steals another car.
Meanwhile, Eve is arrested, and Venus calls in Orlando (Reno Wilson) to assist in tracking down El Huron. Chico reports his failure to El Huron, who forces Chico to cut off his own nipples. While driving, Chev is cut off by an ambulance. He boards the ambulance and is surprised to see the EMTs are working on Don Kim. He demands a new battery pack for his artificial heart, and the EMT is forced to stop working while he hooks it up. Don Kim dies, and Chev exits the limo upon seeing Johnny Vang on the street outside. Chev chases Vang after Ria, who was trying to get Chev's attention is hit by a car, the three Asian gang members run firing at Chev, the car that Vang was walking to takes off leaving him behind, Chev chases Vang into an electrical power plant. The fight between the two, is one of the most stupid fight scenes in movie history. Upon winning this fight, Chev discovers that Vang's red cooler holds something other than his heart, just what it is, we never find out.
Chev calls Doc Miles again, and learns that his heart is already transplanted into Poon Dong, but say that he promises to find him for Chev. Chev goes to ask Johnny Vang, but Johnny Vang is shot and killed by Chico, and they knock Chev unconscious. Eve is interrogated by police, but refuses to rat Chev out. Doc Miles uses his assistant Chocolate to lure Poon Dong in, and knocks him out. Chev is awakened by electric shocks to his testicles, and is dragged by speedboat to an island where El Huron awaits. El Huron explains to Chev that he is the third Verona brother, and is very upset that Chev killed Ricky (Jose Pablo Cantillo) and Alex Verona (Jay Xcala). He says he is going to kill Chev, removing his new battery pack, but there is someone who will enjoy watching it, and drags Chev over to a white tent in the pool area, where he reveals Ricky Verona's head, being kept alive in a tank by a group of scientists. Chev is whipped for Verona's pleasure, and is about to die when Orlando, Venus, and Ria show up, each with their own group of gunfighters, and chaos breaks out. Venus attempts to take El Huron down with nunchakus. Chev smashes open Verona's tank and kicks his head into a pond when it demands water, but starts to slow down. He climbs an electric pylon nearby and grabs the wires to recharge, but is flung off of it upon contact. Venus is fighting El Huron and is about to lose when Chev reappears, still partially on fire from the electricity. He beats El Huron to death, and throws his body in the pond next to Ricky's head.
In a hallucinogenic state, Chev then tries to hug Ria, thinking she is Eve, but accidentally sets her on fire as well, and she runs off screaming. His flesh burning and his face melting, Chev walks towards the camera, giving the middle finger to the audience in the final moment of the film. This is the literal FINGER, we have been sitting through a movie that has been giving us the finger right from the start. Doc Miles places Chev's heart back in his chest, while Eve watches. At first everyone thinks he has failed, and they file out of the room, the camera closes in on Chev's face and his eye opens, this can only mean one thing, a third stupid movie.
I give Crank: High Voltage a 0 and on my avoidance scale a 3. This is the type of movie that once it starts you start looking at your watch. Its only a little longer than ninety minutes but it will feel like the longest ninety minutes of your life. There is nothing in this movie that you will walk away from believing.
Crank: High Voltage is rated R for Frenetic Strong Bloody Violence Throughout, Crude and Graphic Sexual Content, Nudity and Pervasive Language
Running time is 1 hr. 35 mins.
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