Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Cynics List Of The Worst Movies Of 2009

2009 was not a very good year for movies, this list of the worst films could have very easily been filled out before the summer movies rolled through. But I was willing to give most of them a more than just a second look. I was barely to try to JUST come up with a list of the top ten very worst films of 2009.

10. Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen - Michael Bay's ode to noise and explosions. This sequel offered nothing to enhance the previous story. We got nothing worth cheering for except of course for Bumblebee.

09. The Unborn - What was supposed to be a horror movie turned out to be boring and dull, the special effects were as dumb as they get, even the big stars in this silly movie couldn't save it. This movie should be avoided at all costs.

08. Fame - Another remake of a classic film that shouldn't have been made. This movie showcases a lot of talent that seems unnecessary. Megan Mullally can sing but she doesn't do enough of it here. The young cast members are the only thing going for this film, its all glitz and no story.

07. Fired Up - A coming of age story at a cheer leading camp. What could have been funny and awkward was just stupid. American pie ripoffs should be a thing of the past. Its unfortunate that movies like this are made year after year.

06. Jennifer's Body - Megan Fox proves beyond any doubt that she is completely untalented. Thank God for CGI or Megan's career would have been over long before this stupid and dull movie was.

05. The Twilight Saga: New Moon - Why is it that so many teens love this boringly dull story of love between a male vampire and a human girl? I guess there's no accounting for taste. A bare chested Jacob can't even save this movie. You can go in sixty minutes after this movie starts and not feel like you missed anything.

04. All About Steve - Why a studio would think that a movie that makes fun of a handicap would make audiences laugh is beyond me. The fact that this dog attracted the likes of Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper didn't help. The studio that released this piece of filth should be boycotted.

03. White Out - Kate Beckinsale in the frozen tundra? No not Wisconsin, but it should have been. Maybe that would have made a better movie. The story of a Marshall in the Antarctica tracking a killer. Sounds good? No.

02. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell - What was one of the stupidest stories brought to the silver screen in a long time. Movie goers are assaulted every year by vulgar and stupid movies, having one movie that is offensive and vulgar doesn't make it funny just stupid and unworthy of the time or money spent to watch it.

01. Crank: High Voltage - What can I say about this dog except that the most offensive scene is near the end where Jason Statham flips the audience off. It feels as if the director, writer and the star is saying this is what we thing of you, the fact that you spend up to eleven dollars to sit through this movie is bad enough but to be flipped off is just more than we deserve.

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