Thursday, November 19, 2009

It May Be A New Moon, But The Story Is Still Boring

Hollywood is quick to latch onto what they consider a huge hit, when they purchased the rights to the Twilight books written by Stephenie Meyer, they figured they had a runaway freight train on their hands. Its sad to say that so many teen girls and many teen boys have made this a reality. "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" is the second in what looks like an inevitable barrage of teen vampire movies with stupid special effects. The second story arc doesn't give us anything to believe, it builds on this idiotic notion that vampires glow like diamonds in the sunlight. Growing up on vampire movies like I'm sure many of you have, we have come to expect certain things when we watch a vampire movie, the Twilight movies throw these ideas away and try to force us to accept what is truly stupid. The idea of vegetarian vampires is as stupid as trying to get through any of these boringly stupid books.

The movie opens with Bella (Kristen Stewart) having a nightmare, she sees herself getting older but yet Edward (Robert Pattinson) is still young and vibrant. This is the start of what is an increasing boring and stupid story arc. I know every teen girl across America is sighing at the thought of seeing Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) shirtless. I'm happy to say that he is repeatedly thus. At first Jacob has long hair and not to spoil anything, when he becomes a wolf he cuts it short. There are many of the first movies cast returning to this movie as well, the Cullen clan make an appearance in the movies beginning birthday party and then are basically Persona non Grata the rest of the way. The only one who appears later is Alice (Ashley Greene). She returns to inform Bella that Edward thinks she is dead and he is about to reveal himself to the world, the Volturi expressly forbid this action and Edward is sure to be killed. Rushing to Rome to stop him Bella and Alice make it in just in time to do so.

This movie does nothing to pick up the pace of the original, you can actually go into this movie an hour after it started and not feel as if you missed anything. It is slow and tepid, nothing heats up, not even the love interest between Bella and Jacob. The wolves are not the typical werewolf form but the down on all four legs variety. They are typical CGI effects and not all that amazing. The pointless, cliched dialog is dummied down for the audience, whom Hollywood assumes has the attention span of a five year old. The action picks up a little bit toward the end as Edward has to fight the Volturi to stay alive. The Volturi are centuries old clan leaders that keep the existence of vampires a secret. Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning both play these pasty face leaders with all the dullness you come to expect from this story arc. The action takes place mainly off screen, Jacob tells Bella that his wolf pack has killed Laurent (Edi Gathegi) and are looking for Victoria (Rachelle Lefevre) who is back in town looking to revenge her clan by killing Bella. We do see the wolves attacking Laurent, but in flashback.

I give The Twilight Saga: New Moon a 1 and on my avoidance scale a 3, wait for this one to pop up on a Saturday night that you wont mind losing a little bit over two hours watching. To be fair I must admit that I have not read any of these books and have no intention of doing so. Therefore I can not say with any accuracy how closely the films follow the story written by Stephenie Meyer. I can say that there is a much better vampire show on HBO, one that is worth the time to watch. Girls of all ages may swoon over Edward and after this movie Jacob to, but the story is just plain dull and mind numbing.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon is rated PG-13 for Some Violence and Action
Running time is 2 hrs 10 mins.

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